Written communication is a poor means of one-on-one communication, especially during a disagreement. Whether it is emails, letter, chats, direct messages or the likes, if you have a disagreement with an individual, it is best to first explore verbal communication.
Written communication is a record and not all that is said during a disagreement is the truth.
Contrary to popular belief, people do not say what they feel during a quarrel, they say what they know will hurt the other party. In quarrels, the amygdala takes over and there is a fight, flight or freeze mindset. Quarrels are actually treated in the brain like all out fights, and where 2 people are fighting, they explore the weaknesses of their adversaries. Even when that adversary is someone they love.
Contrary to popular belief, people actually say what they feel in a joke. It is the safest vehicle for delivering the truth and people use it.
If you seek truth, look to jokes, not quarrels.
Back to written communication, what I have found is that in the heat of a disagreement, it is best to stop written communication and have a face-to-face or place a call. If both are impossible, silence is best.
The thing with records is that long after the strife is gone, the record remains and becomes a recurring source of pain. A pain that is no longer intended.
I have suffered a lot of pain from things I have written in the past, during heated disagreements. The things said were to my mind – the truth, but they were also an unfair exploration of the weaknesses in my partners or teammates. Like in most things, I have learnt the hard way.
The kind thing to do when you disagree with someone, is to talk to them about it.
The kind thing to do when you are pleased with someone, is to talk to them and write about it.
Records serve as the seeds to the fruits you want to harvest tomorrow. Plant joy.
– Osasu Oviawe