This was one of my early instructions from a mentor that just got fond of me, for reasons till date, I have not figured out.

He always said, “When you meet an individual, look them straight in the eyes, forget about your African home training rules of not looking people in the eyes. Look them straight in the eyes, and engage their hands firmly, not in a bone crusher way, but firmly, to show you are present and that you are not reaching out to them as a way of passing time, but that you are full engaged in that meeting. And please by all means, in spite of how you feel, smile, all through your exchange of greetings.”

The firm handshake is something I have also passed on to people I engage on business etiquette, but if there is anything covid-19 has taught me, it is a redundant way of showing presence and engagement. The firm handshake might make a comeback, after people forget, as they usually do, the health risks associated with handshakes, but I am no longer open to any approach that requires me exchanging handshakes as a courtesy.

What then will replace the firm handshake? First, we must understand what the handshake in social settings, business and war was for. It meant I have no sword in my hand and I am giving you my fighting hand as a signal that this is a meeting I am willing to peacefully engage in the present.

There are many other ways to show that – face the person, maintain eye contact, smile and do not do things that in any way prioritize anything else but the person in front of you. Whether it is in a video call or face-to-face. Yes, I said video call, because even in a video call, it is easy to tell if someone is paying attention to you, to themselves or engaged in other tasks.

The firm handshake served a purpose in my past, now I must find other ways to live that purpose without that tool. What about you?

– Osasu Oviawe