We need to talk

Whenever someone says this to me, my mind starts racing.

I start wondering what loose ends require tying. A quick mental check usually throws up a myriad of possibilities.

When the talk finally happens, it is almost always tangential.

Recently, I decided to write down the loose ends that usually come up before the talk, as they are pointers to unresolved aspects of my life.

“We need to talk” has become a key to parts of me unexplored.

– Osasu Oviawe

Good decisions

One thing you learn with time is good decisions do not necessarily make you or others feel good.

Usually, they make you or others feel uneasy. They make you want to re-decide. Good decisions give you second chances to make the other choice, which is what makes sticking to them so hard.

What makes good decisions worthwhile is not the decision, it is the commitment to it. Good decisions are not designed to fuel your commitment. Commitment is entirely up to you.

Good decisions build character through commitment.

What is a good decision?

Any decision requiring courage, commitment and care.

– Osasu Oviawe

Hobbies

There are hobbies you have that you do not yet know and do not fully get the benefits.

Or maybe not knowing maximises the benefits.

I don’t know which is true or if both hold true.

One such hobby for me is looking for design choices that make some spaces pleasurable to be in, and choices that dampen the mood.

Growing up, I always wondered what made some hotels charge premiums and others charge just enough to run the business one more day.

As my income grew and could afford plush hotels, I found that their design deliberately makes one slow down.

The low cost hotels seem to be designed to make you feel rushed.

Let us take the towels. There are hotels where the towels give you a bear hug, and there are hotels where the towels leave “claw” marks.

Plush towels are not significantly more expensive than coarse towels, if you are deliberate about design, but that is a big “if”.

I take the learnings from plush hotels and try to apply to my home, because why not?

It is space management to make you feel free, not cramped.
It is natural lighting that can flood the room if requested, not always needing the lights.
It is lighting that can be regulated to suit mood, not just manage what you have.
It is white plush sheets, not needless mosaics on sheets.
It is comfortable pillows, not rocks to lay the head on.
It is clean toilets, not where you cannot wait to jump off.
It is quiet cooling, not a noisy co-occupant.

I might not be able to reproduce all at once, but I am deliberate in making that choice.

I understand that the space I sleep in contributes significantly to the quality of my day.

What is a hobby you have that you do not even notice because it is not in the regular bucket?

– Osasu Oviawe

We the workers

If you are not mindful, most of who you are in this world will be locked up in ephemeral KPIs that either do not matter past a year, or do not matter outside the walls of your employment.

If you are not mindful, you will lead a life with no impact outside the drudgery of daily tasks that do not compound into anything of note.

If you are not mindful, you will continually fight for your rights to better work conditions and ignore your duty to better life conditions.

If you are not mindful, the only impact you will have are your children, who you then burden with making the choices you lacked the courage to.

If you are not mindful, you will be perfectly designed to accept in public what you detest in private, and have a life defined by what you detest.

If you are not mindful, there will be no gratitude for “what is” when you reflect on your journey, just entitlement on what should have been.

If you are not mindful, you will end up with a full mind – the antithesis of a life not fully lived by emptying all you carry within.

– Osasu Oviawe

Space

People know their strengths and weaknesses.

They gravitate towards spaces that promote their strengths and accommodate their weaknesses.

They neither change their strengths nor weaknesses, they just tune them up or tone them down depending on what the space they are in demands.

Coaching and mentoring is an endeavour to nudge people into a space that nurtures them, not necessarily one that changes them.

– Osasu Oviawe

Bloodbath in a rose garden

Emerging threats drive people apart.

Emergencies bring people together.

I am concerned about my beloved country.

We are neither apart nor together, because our emerging threats are several scales of emergencies protracted into norm.

– Osasu Oviawe