You have been in a toxic/abusive relationship for as long as you can remember. The both of you have contributed to the toxicity/abuse in various ways, but you have been the bigger contributor and louder complainant.

Abusive/toxic relationships are hard to let go because of the following reasons –

1. It is with someone you truly care about (love).
2. It is embarrassing to admit (shame).
3. It seems redeemable (hope).
4. It looks like everyone is in one (justification).
5. It feels like you contribute to it (guilt).
6. It happens slowly – drip, drip, drip (blindsided).
7. It seems everyone else was right and you were wrong (ego).

A solution is to get out of it. Hard as it seems, let it go. After getting through the 5 stages of grief, and you reach acceptance, even the air will feel lighter. It does not guarantee you will have better relationships in the future, but it helps you better identify abuse/toxicity early, and decide consciously on your next steps.

Another solution, which is trickier and has the possibility of becoming quicksand, is to name the relationship you are having and work hand-in-hand to make better choices. The people involved have to be sincere, and that is why it is tricky. Abuse/toxicity erodes sincerity. Getting sincerity back takes longer than the time it takes to recover from letting go. Some say what is built from this process is formidable, but then, it is possible that is what keeps people in point 3 above. It is tricky.

There are other solutions. Whatever you choose, own it.

– Osasu Oviawe