Today, I got a call from a friend on the passing of his dad. He took time off from work 3 weeks ago to be with him, and support in nursing him back to health.
His dad was getting better, so he returned to work. One day back on the job, and his dad passed on.
There is a guilt that always follows the passing of a loved one. A guilt that we could have done more. For some, the guilt lingers. For many, it passes.
Birth and death are largely outside our control, but the parts we control give us hope. Hope is energising in the short term, but draining in the long term.
When he called, he was speaking about his mum. He was more concerned about how she would hold up. He had already parked his emotions and prioritised another. I see this frequently during deep loss states of humankind. Our best selves, our sacrificial selves, our loving selves show up.
I think he took the right decision to be there for what we now know were his dad’s final days. I think he is acting with courage by caring for those his dad left behind. I will continually check to make sure he is also caring for himself. Caregivers are known to waste away while giving care to others.
I am thankful for friends that spontaneously reach out to me when they have a victory to celebrate or a loss to grieve.
Day: March 21, 2021
Drive Accountability
The clutter in our lives builds up because of a lack of accountability.
Cue 117 – How People Learn to Become Resilient
How People Learn to Become Resilient
“Perhaps most importantly, the resilient children had what psychologists call an “internal locus of control”: they believed that they, and not their circumstances, affected their achievements. The resilient children saw themselves as the orchestrators of their own fates.” – Maria Konnikova
A good friend
I have a friend that sends me a prayer daily.
Not a generic broadcast, but specific to me.
A Muslim that offers prayers for a Christian.
We met when I was a first line manager and he was a cleaner. I always make out time to chat with cleaners, because they are the first to notice changes in the environment. One thing you quickly notice with cleaners is how great the responsibility their broom or mop carries.
He was not only trying to get an education with his salary, he was also caring for his family. His greatest pride was saying he worked in a company, but he was being crushed by the responsibilities.
I quickly noticed that asking him to let go of some of his responsibilities was bad advice. He could not bear to hold funds while people that nurtured him literally went hungry. When we discussed that if he died today, those he is slaving for would still find a way to live, he said something profound – “It will not matter to me how they are faring when I’m dead. I will be dead. But as long as I live, I will care for them.”
He finally outgrew the bragging rights of working for a company and started out in business. First it was baking bread, now it is farming. I act as a free consultant for him, whenever he needs my input, and as a cheerleader for him, whenever he shares victories on his timeline.
Yesterday was his birthday, and warm wishes were shared, but today, I celebrate him on my blog.
Abiodun Salami Gbolagade, may each day rise to meet your expectations.
– Osasu Oviawe