“Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.”
My mother always said this line when she had reservations about my company.
I always questioned its truth, thinking that I could be surrounded by filth and still be squeaky clean.
I have long since discovered my folly.
The people in my circle are a reflection of my values, whether I admit it or not.
For some time in my life, I was in a toxic relationship. All of that time, I felt the toxicity was from the other party, and my role was to balance it out long enough to neutralize the toxicity.
But I was wrong. The toxicity I accepted allowed me to also bring the worst parts of myself into that relationship. It was not a toxic relationship because of the other party; it was toxic because of both of us.
And if you’ve been in a toxic relationship, you realize how hard it is to leave. The reason it is so hard to leave is because the worst parts of you that are let out in such a relationship will find no place in a healthy one. That freedom to be our worst becomes a cage that limits us from being our best.
Somehow, I left that relationship, warts and all.
I have other examples of friends that I kept close because they would be less critical of my poor choices because they lived those choices every day, making it easier to become those choices.
I am more conscious of this behavior now. I am more intentional about understanding the values of those I let into my circle.
Sometimes, I think just as we move from more volatile (high-risk) investments to more stable (low-risk) investments as we grow older, we also do the same in our relationships.
The thrill of instability, with its highs that touch heaven and lows that touch hell, becomes less desirable.
The plain grasslands of limbo hold more promise for building a home.
Your choices are your destiny.
– Osasu Oviawe