Today, I read a status update by a friend about his loving dad. I immediately buzzed him to talk about how beautiful the message was, and that his dad would be so proud.
Then he told me he actually lost his dad on Tuesday. The message was not a complimentary message, but deep mourning. He had not yet gained the strength to share his loss with friends.
It immediately brought the message into better perspective. Whenever I engage people on their status messages, there is always more to the story. Status messages are like a call to engage.
I engaged him more. As in most instances of death of a loved one, he was still wondering if he had given enough before his dad’s passing.
No one ever gives enough to a loved one before their passing. But you can take solace in the fact that they were happy to be loved by you, and you can keep loving them by keeping a part of them with you.
I remember when my dad passed on. I had to be strong for my mum and younger ones. I could not afford to break down, because a lot needed to be done in 2 weeks, so as to get the burial done, and get people truly on the path of healing.
However, I broke down on one of those “being strong” days. An aunt called and said, “You really cared for your dad. Thank you.” After the call, I went into the bathroom, turned on the shower. There were more tears than water in the shower that evening. I came out of that shower, dried myself up, and carried on “being strong.” From that day, I realized the shower was a great place to depressurize.
I hold some tokens from my dad’s final moments with me. When I look at them, I smile, and I remember how he taught me to love, before I knew what love was.
I am thankful for love. It is the only thing that makes our ephemeral existence bearable.